Introducing: How to Build a Misleading Article Sandwich

It's gonna be like spring break only funner!

When I was in high school one of our Commencement Speakers (we didn’t have Valedictorians because it would drive the cardio-obsessed, Lily Pulitzer-wearing mothers insane in town) - compared our milestone and subsequent matriculation to a sandwich from the beloved local deli shop in town. It’s already an analogy on shaky ground made worse by saying in front of a group of 17 -18 year olds that she couldn’t imagine how they fit so much meat in such a small space. (LOL - ok I’m still mentally a teenager)

Illustration by Dara Thomson

As I sat there in my polyester white gown and Honors cords around my neck, nursing my wounds over being rejected as one of the Commencement Speakers for an entire speech built off of an elementary sandwich comparison I whispered to myself, “One day I will write a Substack focused on digital media literacy and work in this long standing grudge AND write a better sandwich metaphor.” (jk, but it would be a very Capricorn thought) 

Alas, the sandwich metaphor has come back around thanks to the British Media’ s coverage of the British Royal Family.

Introducing my new series: How to Write a Misleading Article Sandwich.

When you read a mind numbing amount of articles about the British Royal Family from British tabloids and “serious” media outlets - as I unfortunately do - you start to recognize a pattern to misleading articles. They become familiar, like an old cardigan under someone’s bed - Taylor Swift if you’re nasty - but when you put it on you remember why you stuffed it under your bed in the first place. It’s bright, colorful, and stands out, but the fabric is itchy, there’s a tiny hole forming under the armpit and it just doesn’t fit quite right. That’s what reading a misleading article feels like once you know what to spot, no matter how juicy the promised scoop may be.

There are familiar ingredients to these articles, like a delicious turkey sub. Except in this sandwich the meat’s been left out, the tomato is overripe, and it’s soggy (truly the worst thing is when the oil to bread ratio is off on a sandwich).

In our obviously high-brow literary sandwich we will assemble over the next few weeks a misleading article sandwich using a variation on this recipe:

One: Grab a slice of sensationalized words for a headline  

Two: Squeeze on a royal source 

Three: Pile it high with conjecture

Four: Add a sprinkle of pseudoscience

Five: Grease it up with a poll

Six: Close it out with a hyperlink to other articles you’ve written. Gotta keep the masses fed (on your site and no one else’s of course). 

Illustrations by Dara Thomson

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss this new series. Each part will drop early for the paid tier and later open up for the free tier.

Let’s have some fun.

-Meredith